Avoidant attachment typically develops when emotional needs weren’t consistently met in childhood. Maybe you had caregivers who were emotionally distant, expected you to be self-reliant too early, or punished vulnerability. So you adapted. You learned that closeness can be unsafe, that expressing needs might lead to rejection—or worse, shame.

Anxious attachment is one of the four main attachment styles. It often develops in childhood when caregivers are inconsistent in their responses—sometimes available, sometimes emotionally distant, unpredictable, or overwhelmed. As a result, the child learns that love is unreliable, and they must be hyper-aware of others to avoid rejection.