Couples counseling in Oregon & Washington
You can have intimacy and connection again.
Are you longing for love and connection, and tired of not feeling on the same page with your partner?
Disconnection and hurt have become your norm, and one or both of you are feeling:
like you’re engaging in repeated cyclical arguments without resolution
lonely and like you’re the only one trying to make the relationship better
anxious and like you’re walking on eggshells, afraid to say anything that may lead to another argument
worried about the future of your relationship, which these days feels more like roommates
hopeless, like you’ve tried everything but things only seem to get worse
unwanted because you’ve grown distant, and you’re deprived of affection, intimacy, and/or sex
Things might have started off fine in the morning and then there was a communication miss - someone said something but the other person heard something completely different. What did you do about it? You just walked away from one another and it was just one more cut in what used to be a really healthy, happy relationship.
Once upon a time, your partner was your best friend and confidant who you could tell anything to. But these days, you’re having a hard time being vulnerable and feeling like you can’t say what’s really on your mind. One or both of you might have experienced relational trauma that only makes it more difficult to be vulnerable. Or maybe the times you’ve tried being vulnerable, you were met with defensiveness or sarcasm, and so now vulnerability is the last way you want to approach your partner. And it’s getting in the way of moving your relationship forward.
Perhaps the two of you are having problems communicating and resolving conflict. One person needs to get away from the conflict as soon as it comes up, but the other needs to be with you in the middle of the conflict and work it through in the moment no matter how heated it gets. The more you try to get your partner to hear your side, the more they pull away from you. The more they pull away, the louder and meaner you get because you so desperately want to reel them back in and feel close again.
Perhaps, actually, everything is currently okay between you two, but you’re in the middle of planning for your wedding or going through a major life transition and you just want to make sure things stay okay between you two.
Or better yet, you want to move your relationship from “good” to “great.”
It may feel impossible now, but you can find the fun and love in your relationship again. You can build and repair trust. You can learn to communicate better and more vulnerably. And I can help you get there.
What if your relationship could feel less like an intense and scary roller coaster and more like a kiddie roller coaster? There might be small bumps along the way, but no one feels out of control and like they need to get off the ride.
Therapy for relationships can help you…
Get back to feeling:
like you can have fun in your relationship
respected and like you’re on the same team
at ease and secure in the relationship you two have built
emotionally, physically, and sexually connected
Or for the very first time feel:
like you know exactly how to engage with your partner to resolve conflicts
able to let your walls down, and trust that your partner really gets you
confident you can say anything without fear of getting sucked back into your old patterns of conflict
hope that your relationship will only continue to get stronger, no matter what life throws at you
I’ll help through this process, tailoring each step to your unique needs and circumstances. I have dedicated my professional career to understanding individuals’ attachment styles and what makes it difficult (and subsequently possible) to have safe, secure, stable, fulfilling, meaningful relationships.
I have worked with: new couples, long-term off-and-on couples, pre-marital couples, newlyweds, new parents, heterosexual and queer relationships, monogamous and polyamorous relationships, and mixed identity relationships.
My approach to couples therapy comes from a place of understanding the dynamics that are going on between two individuals. I do not seek to place blame on any one individual, but rather to understand how you as a couple get caught up the music you don’t want to be dancing to.
I offer Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which meets the gold standard of treatment according to the American Psychological Association’s standards for such a designation. I also incorporate aspects from the Gottman Method, which is another highly effective form of treatment for couples in distress.
With these methods, I’ll help you:
Explore one another’s internal worlds and attachment styles to better understand each other’s needs and communication styles
Identify patterns of conflict and learn how to communicate differently to create more desired results - feeling understood, heard, and loved
It’s time to reconnect with your partner.
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Frequently asked questions about couples therapy
FAQs
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Therapy for couples and relationships can look a number of different ways, and how we spend each individual session might look different.
I have been trained in multiple couples-focused modalities (such as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy) and pull from multiple approaches to meet your specific needs and goals.
When we start out, we’ll meet all together in one session. Next, I’ll schedule an individual meeting with both of you, to get a more in-depth view on each person’s perception of the problem(s) in the relationship. We’ll then have the remainder of our sessions with everyone present together.
Typically, it’s helpful to begin by meeting weekly so that the two of you can really feel some progress in your relationship. Often meeting at less frequent intervals can lead to slower therapeutic gains.
We will always begin by forming a solid therapeutic relationship as I want you to feel safe in our connection and work. And I always encourage feedback about ways to make your experience better!
Recording couples therapy sessions is becoming the standard of care, as it is impossible for any therapist to be aware of everything that is happening with each participant at all times. By reviewing my recordings, I am able to notice things that I might have missed in the session and address them going forward. Video recording allows me to do my best work with you.
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I’m excited about the opportunity to support you on your journey towards building a stronger, more connected relationship! We’ll start with a free 20 minute consultation so that we can meet and see how we connect.
I truly believe the connection between therapist and clients makes all the difference in therapy, so if any of us decides we are not the best fit, I will be happy to provide you with referrals.
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It really depends on what your needs and goals are. I’ve worked with a number of couples for a short period of time (6-10 sessions) or longer (15+ sessions). When there are more complex and painful pieces of your history as a couple (e.g., infidelity, domestic violence), it’s not uncommon to meet for 6 months to a year.
Some people choose to meet with a couples therapist for an extended period of time to process multiple difficult events in the relationship or simply to have a safe space to come back to as needed for when they get stuck in another point of conflict.